 It’s 2am and I turn over my tear soaked pillow. I just returned home from my ladies night, which is always a night filled with great conversations. This night was a little heart heavy. My brain is saturated and spinning out of control over many mixed emotions. I sat there stunned with sadness over hearing about tragic stories or situations happening in the girls lives or people they know. Some of these people are complete strangers….I weep for them. I have a flush of fear and panic and for the first time in a long time I realize that anything can happen. I have been so focused on the good and the positive that I kind of forgot that bad things happen too. How dare I complain about my Celiac or IBS issues or the fact that I can’t eat raw vegetables when there’s people I know going through much, MUCH worse. I feel shame and disgust with myself but I am also so very, very thankful that life is pretty darn perfect right now. I always try to live in the present, today is a gift. I want to leave this world confident knowing that the special people in my life knew how much I loved and appreciated them. I wear my (bleeding) heart on my sleeve and I am a highly affectionate person. I will not change or apologize for that. Even after the number of times I’ve been burned, hurt or rejected. Although I tend to shut that part off if that’s happened. I forgive but do not forget. I usually always have a gut feeling about someone and the times that I’ve been hurt are the times when I’ve ignored that feeling. Perhaps out of loneliness or wanting something different without actually ‘looking’ at that person and deciding if they have what I need. Don’t pretend to be something that you are not. Embrace it and be true to yourself, for that truth always finds its way out. I try to surround myself with positivity and be positive myself but everyone goes through dark days. Anyone can walk with you through those happy, care-free times, it’s those special few that will lead you to the light that are the true keepers!! I look for people that bring me up, make me feel valued and respected. They encourage, praise, love and accept unconditionally and to know what that word truly means. If you are not loyal, truthful or be willing to do that then you are not a match for me. And you know what? That’s ok. You will not love or be loved by everyone. More times than not they have taught me something about myself that I didn’t know before and for that I am thankful that they came into my life but it’s also time for you to go. I know that may sound harsh but I want to live this life on my terms and what’s important to me. I have come to realize that you can ask for what you want and if you believe that you truly deserve it, the Universe makes it happen for you. I am so proud of myself for what I am doing, the love that I have, and the mother, wife and friend that I have become. I couldn’t be happier right now with all the amazing people in my life, near or far (parents included!) I am living my dreams with them by my side. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr Seuss |
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